Friday 24 June 2011

My 'saved' husband leads a very raunchy private life

My 'saved' husband leads a very raunchy private life

by the Daily Nation -Edited by Onuko David
When I asked my husband what was happening, he said the messages were nothing but a thrill-seeking hobby, that he thought the other woman appreciated him more than I did, and that he would not repeat the mistake.
Photo/FILE/POSED BY MODELS When I asked my husband what was happening, he said the messages were nothing but a thrill-seeking hobby, that he thought the other woman appreciated him more than I did, and that he would not repeat the mistake.
By PHILIP KITOTO
Posted  Sunday, June 19 2011 at 10:43

Share This Story
279Share
Dear Philip,
Related Stories
I am 32 years old and my husband of five years is 36. We are both born-again Christians.
I am writing because I recently found some amorous text messages between my husband and another woman on his mobile phone.
When I asked him what was happening, he said the messages were nothing but a thrill-seeking hobby, that he thought the other woman appreciated him more than I did, and that he would not repeat the mistake.
Even though he said that nothing had happened between him and the other woman, I fear their raunchy text messages may lead to an affair.
I do not trust him any more and this is affecting our marriage. What should I do? And, by the way, are such messages considered cheating?
Agnes.
-----------------
Hi Agnes,
In my humble opinion, this does not amount to cheating — unless there are other things between your husband and this woman that you are not aware of.
You are right though; in most relationships, such behaviour could lead to an affair. Therefore, the way you manage this situation is important.
Try not to intimidate him, but counter his sexting with a firm but loving talk. Affairs do not just happen, there is some thought process that goes into it.
Before one cheats on their spouse, a mental journey and decisions have taken place and once the perfect opportunity presents itself, the person cheats.
You are right to be concerned about the texts, but ensure that you are sharing your feelings with your husband openly, firmly, and with genuine concern.
Avoid language that will harden him and drive him away. People cheat because the initial thrill of marriage has worn off and they start seeking it elsewhere.
Therefore, ensure that your differences do not end up in unfair treatment of each other. Second, as a couple grows older in marriage, the things they did while younger are quickly forgotten or taken for granted.
The regular dates are replaced by occasional trips upcountry, while surprise appreciation with flowers is replaced by trips to the supermarket for bread.
What we fail to realise is that these usually small but unappreciated gestures are very important in a relationship.
My advice to you is to get into a process of forgiving and rediscovering the thrills you had when you were first married.
Develop a climate at home that will be attractive to your man and his friends, and remain gentle, loving, and attractive. This is what will change him.
However, where actions that border on abuse and neglect are detected, seek support from a mentor or counsellor immediately.
Related Stories
God bless you and your marriage.
---------------------------------------
Hello Philip,
I have been in a relationship with a man for two years now. Being staunch Christians, we were planning to formally wed last year when he called off the relationship, saying God had spoken to him and told him that it had no future.
This was humiliating and discouraging because we had gone far with the wedding plans. I could not understand how the same God who brought us together would reverse His intentions and separate us.
A month after the break-up, I learnt that he had started a relationship with another woman from our church.
But after going out for a few months, he also called off their relationship, and now he wants me back.
He says it was not his fault that we broke up and blames his actions on the devil for “tempting him”.
If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Would you accept him back? I love him, but I get the feeling that he is playing around with other women.
I don’t trust him anymore, and the more he pursues me, the more I get confused.
Please help,
Ally.
---------------
Hi Ally,
Being a Christian, I know that the spirit of God does indeed speak to us. But God is not a god of confusion; he will confirm His words through other sources — such as other people — and through His Word.
However, that said, I feel your doubt and the resultant frustrations over this relationship.
Even though God directs people through life’s decisions, such instructions, when communicated to you, must be in line with the character and nature of God, and here we are talking about honesty, trustworthiness, and consistency.
What I see here is a man who wants to use the excuse of God’s voice to his undue advantage. Remember, the Bible says that we shall know such people by their fruit.
Please take some time off to pray before you make any decisions about the future he is offering you.
You have every right to doubt him and you need to ask him the questions that disturb you. Ask God to direct you towards the right decision.
Related Stories
If I were you, I would be hesitant to say “yes” to such a relationship unless I get assurances that the mistakes of the past shall not be repeated.
I pray that God will reveal to you his plans and purposes for your life. All the best.
--------------------
Hello Philip,
I am a Third Year student in university, aged 20. My problem is that I seem to only prefer women who are much older than me (between 24 and 30).
It is not that I purposely set out to search for them, but I just realised that all the women I have been involve with are way older than me.
I find girls my age so immature and unsocial that I cannot even hold a constructive conversation with them. Now I am interested in a 29-year-old woman who has shown a keen interest in me.
Although I am nine years younger, she has been calling me regularly from outside the country and I think we are on the verge of starting a fire.
Do you think this is right? Is there anything wrong with a man dating a much older woman?
Thanks,
Ted.
---------------
Hi Ted,
There is nothing wrong with dating an older woman. Every spouse is attracted to different qualities or attributes in the other.
The most important goal in dating is to discover what turns us on and pulls us towards a connection.
Although these reasons may be selfish initially, a couple should gradually grow from such shallow ideas about relationships to much more bolder, firmer issues that make a marriage stand the test of time.
Since we mature at different ages, what attracts us to the opposite sex differs from person to person. It seems you have matured much faster than your peers. That is why your likes are different.
Your taste for older women may be because of associating or growing up in a family that hastened your maturity.
But as you grow older, you will find that the age gap will close and that you will share ideas with women of a wider age range — younger and older alike.
Even though our society dictates that men should date and marry younger women, this has no intrinsic value.
Related Stories
It is okay to date a woman older than you... as long as you do not live in an illusion that society will be okay with it.
--------------------
Hello Philip,
I’m a woman aged almost 24 years and the mother of a boy aged almost a year. Since the boy was born, things have not been smooth between us.
First, he refused to contribute towards the upkeep of the child, yet he is proud to claim that he is the father.
Knowing that my continued stay in such a relationship would not bode well, I decided to end it and move on.
Now I am on the verge of another relationship that will, hopefully, lead to marriage.
If all goes well, I would like the new man to take full responsibility for the boy, but I fear that the other man may not be willing to let go without a fight.
Also, if I do not make the right documentation right away, this man may emerge years from now when the boy is grown up and successful to claim him as his son.
The boy’s father is currently living with another woman and they have children together. Their relationship was part of the reason for our break-up.
I have not registered the birth of the boy yet because I am torn between listing his biological father and the new man, who is likely to bring him up.
Please help me act in the best interest of the child because I do not want to have anything to do with his father.
Time is running out and I want to make this decision as fast as possible.
Thank you,
Anne.
-----------------
Hi Anne,
You have to realise that, first, this child has a biological father and mother. No matter how hard you try to run away from that fact, it will always stare you in the eye.
Second, talk with your boyfriend concerning your desire for him to be the father. Once this is settled, there are legal means to have the child officially adopted into your new family.
You may need to see a lawyer about this. Whatever you do, do not leave it pending as you get into marriage.
Related Stories
Third, do not let the fear of the future or the unknown deter you from the plans you have for your life or that of your child.
From your note, it is clear that the father of your child is continuing with his life.
Get the child’s birth certificate with all the right information on it, then discuss the future with your boyfriend at the right time.
If he is willing to adopt the child, then you and he can take off into wedded bliss.
All the best.
Posted by at No comments:

Empowering the African woman best way to nurture future leaders

Empowering the African woman best way to nurture future leaders


By SYLVIA BONGO ODIMBA
Posted  Thursday, June 23 2011 at 19:34

Share This Story
 Share
Africa’s billion citizens are the continent’s greatest asset – the potential source of a dynamic workforce and an increasingly compelling consumer market.
With an estimated 60 per cent of the population aged below 30, Africa is the youngest continent in the world. It stands to reap the benefits of a demographic dividend, which could be a game-changer in its growth trajectory as each year, tens of millions of young people with enter working age.
However, this vast potential will remain untapped and the demographic dividend will not be realised unless African leaders design smart and sustainable policies to overcome the continent’s challenges.
Our burgeoning young population must be healthy, educated and able to work. If countries fail to address these issues, then the demographic dividend could become a time-bomb.
We need to recognise that our youth have a powerful role to play. It is they who will determine our continent’s future, and if we can harness their energy and channel it positively, then Africa’s future will be bright.
The most effective way to accelerate youth empowerment and harness it for sustainable development is by protecting and empowering African women, so that whatever their economic and social situation, they are able to look after their children and offer them the best chance of success in life.
Indeed, empowering women is one of the most important things governments and societies can do, for as women gain knowledge, children learn. As women become employed, economies grow. As women are given equality, nations become stronger, and justice and equity across the board become attainable.
Women are, of course, not all the same, and widows are a particularly vulnerable group. I feel very strongly about the rights of widows because prejudice against widowhood provokes a large, but under-discussed, proportion of violence and discrimination against women everywhere.
When I talk about the world’s 245 million widows, it is not about elderly women. All across the world, widows are often women in the prime of life, young women who are left as sole carers for their children, alone responsible for their shelter, food, schooling and wellbeing.
These women, unprotected by law and often subject to degrading cultural practices, many illiterate, are often unable to earn a living, and are therefore left destitute and vulnerable to violence.
Frequently driven from their homes and robbed of all their property, they must find a way to continue providing for their children.
At least 115 million widows live in extreme poverty. In many cases, their children have to leave school to go to work to plug the gap in the household income left by their father’s death. Their daughters are often at a high risk of sexual exploitation.
Worldwide, more than 500 million children of widows live in hostile environments and more than 1.5 million of these children die before the age of five. Widows’ poverty affects the whole of society. It is a silent humanitarian crisis.
The first International Widows’ Day was marked at a conference yesterday. The day was officially adopted by the UN General Assembly last December, and will become an annual occasion to highlight and address the plight of widows globally.
Supporting widows catalyses a developmental multiplier effect, generating wide social and economic benefits. It impacts directly on poverty, children’s education, gender equality, child mortality, maternal health, and on the spread of Aids – six of the eight Millennium Development Goals.
The multiplier effect on children, in particular, created by empowering women, speaks for itself. For every year of schooling a mother has received, the likelihood that her child dies as an infant declines by 10 per cent.
Her wages will increase by 15 per cent, and if she controls the household income, her child’s probability of survival through infancy is increased by 20 per cent.
To support women, then, is to support their children; and to support vulnerable women is to support even more vulnerable children.
Families are the glue that holds societies together.
They create strong foundations on which to build, and they are the structures that help economic growth filter throughout the whole society.
As we work to achieve the Millennium Development Goals, we need to initiate a new global dialogue on widows and their children. Starting this dialogue was the purpose of the conference organised by UN Women and Gabon.
Sylvia Bongo Odimba is the First Lady of the Republic of Gabon. She is a vocal advocate of women’s and children’s rights.
Add a comment (0 comments so far)
Posted by at No comments:

Sunday 5 June 2011

ODINGA AN ENIGMA?

This article in deed speaks volumes about the next president of the republic...

More appearances on Churchill Live could boost chances of Raila & Co


By MURITHI MUTIGA

Posted Saturday, June 4 2011 at 18:32


Three key presidential candidates — Martha Karua, Uhuru Kenyatta and Raila Odinga — have all accepted invitations to trade jokes with comedian Dan Ndambuki aka Churchill in the last few weeks.

One of the most interesting bits about the reaction to the shows has been the almost unanimous sense of wonder of viewers who were seeing a side of the politicians they had never encountered before.

So Ms Karua can be so funny and accessible? Is that really Mr Kenyatta who appeared so ‘‘chilled out’’ and mixed easily with wananchi?

The latest politician on Churchill Live was Mr Odinga. You do not have to go much further than the Nation website to see just how much the Prime Minister divides opinion.

Any story involving him attracts a huge number of readers. And within minutes of being posted, you will have dozens of comments below the story with some staunchly defending Mr Odinga and others bitterly attacking him.

Things were different on Thursday. A few minutes after the screening, Churchill posted a line on his Facebook page asking for feedback.

The response (as is usual for anything involving Mr Odinga it attracted more than a thousand posts) was, for once, almost uniformly positive.

People were not discussing his politics or his policies. They were not tearing each other apart about his chances in 2012.

They were making fun of his shoes. Expressing wonder at the fact he is familiar with the Kigeugeu hit song by Jaguar that is a sensation with teens.

They mused about the story of how he met Ida, and one commentator demanded to know whether the PM was quite sober when he took up the microphone to sing along. On and on it went.

The politicians appealing for votes on comedy shows and other such fora are making a wise move because the world has moved on from the days when the electorate was asked to choose between radically competing visions on how to take the country forward.

No major differences

The end of the Cold War means there are no major differences in the economic policies of candidates in most countries.

The electorate in the TV and Internet age is more likely to vote for the candidate who is more emotionally appealing.

That is how Gordon Brown, a far more substantial and serious figure than the current British Prime Minister David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg, lost to his more PR savvy opponents at the last elections.

In the US, President Obama, never one to fail to appreciate the ever-changing realities of the world we live in, became the first sitting President to appear on the comedian Jay Leno’s show in March 2009.

The advantages of these formats are numerous — not least the fact you catch a mostly young audience that prefers to get information on current affairs from comedy shows and social media rather than from the traditional media.

In Kenya, the candidates that take every opportunity to let voters see them outside the formal settings in Parliament and political rallies will likely reap rewards in 2012.

Ms Karua’s frequent calls for youthful responsibility on her Facebook page and her references to the job of mothering can only help to offset her stern-faced image.

Mr Kenyatta is a famously social animal without the pretensions one would expect from his parentage — but he has to find a way to communicate that to the masses.
Posted by at 1 comment:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)